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ANH NGUYỄN ĐÌNH TOÀN! NGUYỆN CHO ANh YÊN NGHỈ TRONG GIẤC MƠ DIỄM TUYỆT CỦA CHÍNH ANH

Khanh Nguyen

_ Bài viết của nhà thơ Trần Tiến Dũng _

Hôm qua nghe tin anh khuất núi, định viết đôi dòng về anh nhưng ở cái tuổi rơi vào nhiều sự kiện buồn tôi thấy hụt hơi, thiếu lực.

Tôi không thân với anh, mà thân sao được bởi từ lúc biết tên anh, anh đã là một một văn nhân lớn trên bầu trời các tinh tú nghệ thuật Miền Nam Tự Do; thì việc tôi hát, đọc các sáng tác hoặc nghe anh giới thiệu chương trình nhạc chủ đề trên sóng phát thanh Sài Gòn cũng đủ hạnh phúc cho người ái mộ tài danh của anh.

Người dân miền Nam xưa hầu hết không có thói quen lân la làm quen các nghệ sĩ nổi danh mà mình yêu thích, họ chỉ lặng lẽ ngưỡng mộ như cách họ ngắm bầu trời đêm cao vời lấp lánh các vì sao, cảm xúc ngưỡng mộ của họ trở thành quà tặng, kỷ vật riêng tư  không phải để người nghệ sĩ hay biết mà chỉ đơn giản nghệ thuật của người nghệ sĩ luôn sống cùng với họ.

Ở tuổi học trò, sau khi tập hát vài bản Bolero đầu đời, bài hát mà tôi thích hát mỗi khi tôi hát, trước đám đông hay hát cho chỉ mình nghe là bài hát Tình Khúc Thứ Nhất, lời thơ Nguyễn Đình Toàn, nhạc Vũ Thành An. 

Tôi hát hoài ca khúc đó không phải vì tôi có mối tình đầu đời đẹp như bài hát, mà do từ lời thơ anh viết, ngôn ngữ thi ca đó đã nâng cho tôi đến một không gian khác, cho dẫu không gian đó không có thật đi nữa thì không gian đó vẫn là giấc mơ dài tuyệt đẹp, nơi tạo cho tôi cảm xúc luôn mới trên hành trình tìm cho mình một cuộc tình đẹp cho dẫu không bao giờ tìm gặp.

Nhà văn, nhạc sĩ Nguyễn Đình Toàn

Tôi không biết người khác yêu thơ, làm thơ từ nguồn cảm hứng nào, riêng tôi, dạo tuổi đời non trẻ, tôi may mắn biết yêu ngôn ngữ thi ca. Mỗi giai đoạn đời người yêu thi ngữ đều để lưu trú cảm xúc mình ở các tầng cao, sâu khác nhau của thi ngữ. Tôi yêu quý anh Nguyễn Đình Toàn vì anh tặng cho tôi tầng thi ngữ, nơi một thằng thiếu niên không muốn lớn để mãi thụ cảm, hoà nhịp tim mình với: Tình Khúc Thứ Nhất của anh.

Lúc anh còn ở cư xá Báo Chí Thủ Đức, tôi có đi cùng thầy Cù An Hưng đến thăm anh. Mấy lần khác tôi gặp anh đang ngồi với nhà thơ Ý Nhi ở cái quán cà phê trong văn phòng chi nhánh Nhà Xuất Bản Hội Nhà Văn, sau này lúc đến Bolsa- California tôi mong được gặp lại anh nhưng không có duyên. Kể mấy chuyện này làm gì?

 Ở cái thời tôi luôn trăn trở rằng, một nghệ sĩ đẹp như anh, giọng nam Hà Nội đẹp như anh, đẹp hơn nữa là ngôn ngữ văn chương của anh; và thế hệ các danh tài văn chương nghệ thuật cùng thời với anh đang, sẽ ra sao, phải làm sao với nguồn ánh sáng năng lượng sáng tạo thiên phú của mình trong chế độ chuyên chế bất nhân và khoảng đời lưu vong.

Tôi đọc thấy ở đâu đó trong các lý thuyết nghệ thuật hiện đại, rằng nghệ thuật xoá nhoà biên giới địa lý quốc gia dân tộc, chế độ xã hội chính trị; tôi có thể ngây thơ tin điều đó!  Nhưng đâu ngờ người cộng sản chuyên chế thì lại có thứ biên giới vạch riêng nhằm cầm nhốt, vô danh hoá cuộc đời và sáng tác của các nghệ sĩ khởi đi từ ý thức tự do sáng tạo, và các nghệ sĩ chân chính ấy thà chôn kín tài năng thiên phú mình trong im lặng hơn là trao tự do cho quyền lực chuyên chế.

Kính tiễn anh Nguyễn Đình Toàn người cho tôi gặp duyên Tình Khúc Thức Nhất, nguyện cho hương linh anh yên nghỉ trong giấc mơ diễm tuyệt của chính anh..

Sai Gòn

30-11-2023

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