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“ĐẠI BÀNG” CŨNG KHÓC (LỜI TỰA)

Bạch Cúc

1 tháng 7 lúc 05:55

Một ngày gần đây tôi nhận được tin nhắn từ một nick xa lạ, theo thói quen thông thường tôi rất hiếm khi trả lời những người mà tôi không quen biết, nhưng lần này chắc là do duyên… Người đàn ông đó gọi tôi là “Chị”, họ xin lỗi vì đã quấy rầy, họ bảo theo dõi fb tôi rất lâu rồi, thấy tôi viết về những mảnh đời hay quá, không biết tôi có thể viết về cuộc đời họ không và họ đề nghị trả thù lao…

Tôi thật sự ngạc nhiên, thú thật, xưa nay tôi viết vì đam mê, tôi mở homestay để được gặp rất nhiều người, lắng nghe những câu chuyện đời và truyền tải nó thành một thông điệp thiết thực và hữu ích. Viết cũng là niềm vui của riêng tôi, tôi chưa bao giờ có ý nghĩ nhận của ai đồng nào để viết cả, đáng lẽ ra tôi còn phải gửi quà cảm ơn đến những người đã cho tôi dữ liệu để viết nữa kìa…Và người đàn ông này khiến tôi ngạc nhiên và cảm thấy thú vị quá, thế nên tôi đồng ý gặp họ để lắng nghe câu chuyện. Việc đồng ý gặp một người xa lạ cũng không phải là thói quen của tôi, tôi khá khép kín và hầu như không tiếp xúc ngoài đời thật với ai, nhưng lần này tôi phá lệ, tôi hẹn gặp họ ở quán cafe, họ đến cùng 1 đứa trẻ 7 tuổi!

Trước mặt tôi là một người đàn ông điển trai, có lẽ chỉ hơn tôi vài tuổi, anh ăn vận rất lịch sự, và dù cái áo anh đang mặc có tay dài quá khuỷu thì cũng không che được những mảng hình xăm tôi thấy lấp ló, tôi hình dung chắc hẳn từ bả vai kéo dài xuống 2 tay anh đã xăm kín…

Đôi mắt người đàn ông thật buồn, đó là một đôi mắt đẹp nhưng chứa cả một bể khổ. Tôi từng gặp rất nhiều người phụ nữ có đôi mắt đẹp và buồn, nhìn vào mắt họ là đã thấy sự truân chuyên đa đoan nhưng thú thật, đây là lần đầu tiên tôi thấy một người đàn ông có đôi mắt “ám ảnh” như thế: nó chứa đựng cả một bầu trời mây xám, một đôi mắt biết nói và u uất rười rượi. Lúc mới gặp người đàn ông này, tôi nghĩ anh là dân kinh doanh gì đó, hơi ngầu ngầu tí thôi với cái hình xăm lấp ló trong ống tay áo, nhưng hóa ra tôi đã nhầm!…

Người đàn ông trước mặt tôi là một tay Giang hồ thứ thiệt, gọi là Đại bàng thì chính xác hơn. Anh ăn cơm tù nhiều hơn cơm nhà, từng “g.i.ế.t người” là bạn đủ hiểu. Số lần vào tù ra khám của anh nhiều vô số kể, anh nói với tôi: nếu có dịp anh sẽ kể cho tôi nghe tất tần tật chuyện trong tù, có những điều mà không ai có thể hình dung và tưởng tượng được, có thể tôi sẽ viết được nguyên Series truyện vô cùng hấp dẫn nhưng đó là việc sau này, còn hôm nay, anh gặp tôi lại là chuyện khác…

Và tôi ngồi lắng nghe anh, nghe một chuyện tình buồn sao mà tê tái và bẽ bàng… Anh chực như muốn khóc khi kể về người đàn bà đó, đó là mẹ của con anh. Anh khẳng định đó không phải là tình yêu nhưng cớ sao mãi không buông được, cứ dây dưa, cứ lập đi lập lại những nỗi đau… Đó gọi là gì? Là duyên hay là nợ? 

Người đàn ông trước mặt tôi chinh chiến ngoài giang hồ từ khi còn là đứa trẻ cho đến khi là tay cộm cán thứ dữ, ch.é.m người không gớm tay, nhưng cớ sao lại nhu nhược và yếu đuối đến nhường này? Anh bế tắc vì một người đàn bà, trở nên đần độn và ngốc nghếch vì 1 người đàn bà mà anh biết rõ trái tim họ quá tàn ác, với vẻ ngoài thanh mảnh cao gần 1.7m chuẩn như một người mẫu và khuôn mặt đẹp tựa thiên thần. Anh cho tôi xem hình họ, tôi ngẩn ngơ người, chính tôi đây còn thấy say đắm bởi cô ấy đẹp quá và nhìn rất thánh thiện. Đẹp như vậy nên hèn chi: “Anh hùng không qua ải mỹ nhân”!

Và tôi chấp nhận viết lại câu chuyện đời anh, có lẽ chỉ vài tập thôi, rút ngắn lại vì độc giả Fb không quen đọc dài. Câu chuyện này tôi xin gửi tặng lại anh, tôi mạn phép không nhận bất cứ thù lao nào, xem như là món quà cho cái gọi là duyên hạnh ngộ và là một kỷ niệm để nhắc nhớ anh về quãng đời đen tối đầy thăng trầm… Ngoài ra, đây cũng là cơ hội để độc giả biết về một số phận, về hoàn cảnh đẩy đưa con người ta, về nỗi đau sâu thẳm trong trái tim một con người. Người đàn ông ấy dẫu mạnh mẽ thế nào, yên hùng ngang dọc, lẫy lừng ra sao trong giới xã hội đen thì cũng có lúc phải khóc, khóc thấm thía vì đau đớn, vì tổn thương, vì ngỡ ngàng bởi cái tệ bạc, tàn nhẫn của một người đàn bà, đúng là:

Đại Bàng cũng khóc!

P/s: Xin xem tập 1, 2… trong vài ngày tới!

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16 COMMENTS

  1. Since they are no longer required to create sperm or testosterone, the testes might ultimately shrivel
    as a result of this inhibition of natural testosterone production. Water retention, gynecomastia, and decreased
    libido are all penalties of elevated estrogen ranges in males that can impair sexual perform.
    You may have heard of situations when guys who used such
    anabolic steroids for an extended interval or who overdosed experienced critical health points.
    In Accordance to the majority of analysis on them, prolonged utilization can end result in several well being
    issues. In fact, testosterone is a hormone that performs a crucial role in the improvement
    of male sexual traits, together with the growth and
    upkeep of the penis. As men age, the elasticity of the skin and
    connective tissues can lower, which can contribute to a lack
    of penile length. This is a standard a part of the aging process and is
    not essentially related to testosterone levels.

    The key to success with Trenbolone is managing the unwanted
    effects, which we will discuss in a while on this submit.
    There is no evidence that masturbating or doing any “penis exercise” (such as jelqing) modifications the size or girth of the penis in any important way.
    In reality, it may do the opposite if carried out aggressively, injuring blood
    vessels or inflicting scar tissue that may lead to Peyronie’s illness.
    In truth, there is evidence that an enlarged prostate can enhance the penis length because the gland “pushes” the penis
    outward from the base.
    Additionally, you might lose a small quantity of length if you’re celibate or in case
    you have long periods of erectile dysfunction. This is often as a outcome of a
    lower in testosterone and/or an increase in stomach
    fats that can create the phantasm of a smaller penis.
    Age itself isn’t a factor for modifications in your penis measurement.
    A Number Of studies have confirmed that there is not
    any direct link between age and the size of
    a flaccid penis. Research have proven that people with penises typically have misperceptions about what an average-sized penis actually is.

    We all the time work intently with sufferers to fine-tune their HRT routine.
    Doctors suggest methods to cut back atrophy, like common “use” of the penis.
    HRT might help with issues like scorching flashes, mood swings,
    and bone loss. We all the time tell our sufferers to speak to
    a physician before starting HRT. Penile atrophy is when the penis will
    get smaller and works differently. Keep In Mind, this information isn’t medical advice –
    e-book an appointment should you want customized care.
    Each physique is different, and your HRT journey is exclusive to you.

    As A End Result Of this new state of low testosterone will resemble aging-related hypogonadism.
    In summary, androgens are essential for penile well being and measurement.
    As long as you use testosterone and don’t block
    DHT manufacturing, your penis shouldn’t shrink. Alternatively, docs give human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG) to spice up testosterone
    and sperm production. This hormone tells the cells in your testicles to ramp up the manufacturing of both testosterone and sperm.

    Males who use post-cycle therapy (PCT) are less prone to undergo from AAS-related side effects, corresponding to erectile dysfunction and low libido (R).
    Widespread PCT consists of estrogen blockers (Clovid, Nolvadex,
    and so on.) and perhaps HCG. When running a steroid cycle, it is not uncommon on your testicles to
    appear smaller than ordinary. This is perfectly normal despite the fact that it could be
    trigger for embarrassment. However, the shrinkage
    just isn’t usually a permanent phenomenon and your testicles ought to return to their
    normal dimension between 2 to four weeks after a steroid cycle has ended.
    By so doing, the testicles which produce testosterone will temporarily shrink in measurement.

    It is that this shrinkage within the testicles that led to the misunderstanding that steroids can make a male
    user’s penis smaller in dimension.
    Misuse or abuse of testosterone can have extreme penalties, including
    unfavorable results on sexual operate, fertility,
    and general well being. To reduce the chance of any potential unwanted
    side effects, it’s essential to work carefully with a
    educated healthcare professional who makes a speciality
    of hormone alternative therapy. They might help decide the right dosage of testosterone and
    monitor your progress to make sure optimum results and reduce the risk of problems.
    They how big can you Get without steroids – https://Mitsfs-wiki.mit.Edu,
    simply decrease wholesome blood circulate
    to the penis with reduced libido thus impotence. Thus is a bi product of the pure testosterone inside the physique ‘shutting down’ or drastically reducing once steroids are no longer in the physique maintaining larger levels.
    One of the most common side effects of steroid users and people who
    give up is erectile dysfunction.
    By definition, an underage steroid consumer is anybody that uses androgenic-anabolic steroids earlier than the age of between 18 and 21 years.

    It is usually agreed amongst medical experts that an individual nonetheless grows and develops into an adult only once they
    reach 21 years. This signifies that before the age
    of 21, the penis of a male youngster is still rising and creating.
    If steroids that turn to estrogen are used whereas a person is
    still below the age of 21 years, it’s attainable that the growth of their penis might be
    slowed down. Low or reduced testosterone may cause points with sexual
    operate and need. Signs corresponding to being overweight, extra visceral fats, poor body image, low power levels, and
    no sex drive point out decreased testosterone levels.
    By optimizing your testosterone, you’ll undoubtedly give your intercourse drive a lift.

  2. You should have a prescription to legally purchase and possess anabolic steroids,
    and a prescription will solely be given on the basis of what’s considered legal medical
    want. Even should you qualify for a prescription, you’ll not obtain one
    for Dianabol. Normal Dianabol doses will differ tremendously depending on experience
    and particular person desires.
    Despite this, trenbolone is considered one of the most toxic AAS and is
    injectable. Subsequently, our sufferers could not make the
    most of a liver assist supplement (such as
    TUDCA or milk thistle) when biking injectables. The solely exception to this is testosterone undecanoate (otherwise generally recognized as Testocaps or
    Andriol), which should be taken with a high-fat meal (19+ grams).
    Make sure any physician or dentist who treats you is conscious of that you are utilizing this medication. Verify together with your physician immediately if blurred vision, issue in studying, eye ache, or any other change in vision happens during
    or after therapy.
    Steroids are man-made hormones which might be similar to the hormones
    that the adrenal glands in our bodies produce.
    Adrenal glands are two small glands positioned above the kidneys.
    This is a extremely potent injectable steroid with potent anabolic and androgenic properties.
    General pointers note that a common dose of immediate-release or
    delayed-release prednisone is wherever from 5 to 60 milligrams (mg) day by day.
    Prednisone can additionally be available
    in a delayed-release formulation under the brand name Rayos.
    This formulation reaches its peak impact in about six hours.

    So, Winstrol has the same effectiveness administered
    each oral or injected, while Primobolan provides higher outcomes when is injected.
    Those who have tried these steroids tablets at least on time, recommend them to other too as being
    very highly effective. Take a look at bodybuilding forums and examine others
    opinions on steroids drugs. Anabolic steroids
    are manufactured medicine that closely resemble the hormone testosterone or different androgens.
    Bear In Mind, your physician and other healthcare professionals can be found that
    can help you. So don’t be afraid to ask questions or provide suggestions
    on your therapy.
    Some of the extra generally prescribed corticosteroids
    are cortisone, hydrocortisone, prednisone, prednisolone,
    and methylprednisolone. Most corticosteroids can be
    found by prescription only (with the exception of over-the-counter nasal sprays or topical steroids like hydrocortisone 1%).
    We see orals typically becoming problematic when used
    in excessively high doses or when customers do not allocate sufficient
    day with out work in between cycles. As a common rule, the
    length of a cycle should be equal to the duration off of steroids.

    Inform your healthcare supplier about all your medicines, including prescription and over-the-counter medicines,
    vitamins, or supplements. There are also people with certain medical situations during which the healthcare
    provider would weigh the advantages and dangers of prescribing prednisone.
    As A Result Of Rayos (delayed-release prednisone) starts
    working a number of hours after taking it, healthcare suppliers might strategically dose the drugs.

    They discourage your physique from producing more inflammatory chemical
    compounds, they usually additionally encourage
    your physique to supply extra anti-inflammatory chemical substances.
    Rheum.TV is an informational platform created to educate sufferers living with a rheumatic disease.

    With over a hundred disease schooling videos produced by the staff at Johns Hopkins Rheumatology.

    Sure vaccines, corresponding to those for measles, mumps,
    and tuberculosis, can have harmful interactions with corticosteroids.

    It is subsequently thought that steroids, similar to prednisolone or cortisone pills, may work for adhesive capsulitis.
    What is adhesive capsulitis and what drugs are used to deal with it?
    Shoulder ache could be brought on by numerous different situations.

    It could be brought on by rotator cuff illness or adhesive capsulitis (also known as frozen shoulder, stiff painful shoulder or periarthritis).
    Whereas each conditions are painful, adhesive capsulitis also tends to
    cause stiffness in the shoulder irrespective of which method you move
    it. The ache and stiffness in the shoulder can go away on its own however might last as long as 2 to three years.

    It’s important to debate all of your considerations
    along with your doctor. Monetary help that can assist you pay for prednisone may be out there.
    Medication Help Device and NeedyMeds are two websites that present sources to assist scale back the worth of
    prednisone. If you’re breastfeeding or planning to breastfeed, speak together
    with your physician about whether or not prednisone is best
    for you.
    All corticosteroids cut back inflammation (swelling) and overactivity in your immune
    system. For instance, dexamethasone is less probably than prednisone to trigger fluid retention,
    high blood pressure, and low potassium levels. So your physician might prescribe dexamethasone if these unwanted aspect effects
    could probably be dangerous for you. It treats several conditions including bronchial asthma, allergic reactions, arthritis and inflammatory bowel
    illnesses. Some folks use the hormone, along with other performance-enhancing
    drugs such as anabolic steroids, to build muscle and improve
    athletic efficiency. It’s necessary to say any current steroid bursts (the use
    of a short course of oral steroids) to your healthcare
    supplier. Overuse of strongest oral steroids, alcosystems.se, steroids may forestall your adrenal gland (where
    your physique’s pure steroids are made) from working because it ought
    to.

  3. So before starting, take into consideration how and what you’ll eat, how often, how a lot, and how your
    coaching will work. Ideally, you’re already eating and training properly anyway, so you’ll need to tweak
    it to get your desired outcomes. If your food regimen or coaching just isn’t on point,
    you’re simply throwing cash down the drain. Your
    physique naturally produces a sure quantity of T3,
    so if you take lower than that amount, you’ll go backward and become poor
    in this hormone.
    While steroid use is a necessity to competitive bodybuilding, especially on the professional and high newbie ranges it isn’t the top
    all be all. Steroid use is not going to exchange sound training and by no means will
    it substitute sensible diet. The stronger the grasp one has on diet the stronger and more efficiently they will
    be in a position to maximize their steroid use and parlay that into a extra profitable competitive pursuit.
    Additional and this cannot be overstated; competitive bodybuilding depends very heavily in your genetic structure
    in addition to your own genetic response to steroids. Some people will merely do higher than others as a result of their genetic
    makeup is superior in that regard and a few will respond at the next level from anabolic steroids.

    Normally, those who have a stronger genetic construction susceptible to muscularity
    with out steroids will reply in a superior way.
    However, with the proper genetic structure steroids will present the finishing touch wanted to reach above and past normal results.

    In skilled sports activities like the NFL, Clenbuterol is included within the list
    of illegal performance-enhancing drugs (12). A lot
    of bodybuilders use Dianabol for quick muscle positive aspects and
    to improve muscle power and mass. Depending in your targets, you presumably can add steroids to your workouts and food plan. Some steroids are great for getting ripped, whereas others
    allow you to construct muscle mass. DMAA has been present in numerous muscle-building and
    weight reduction dietary supplements, however it’s not
    protected.
    He regularly served as the check topic for his experiments, consuming the steroids
    himself. Norbolethone was developed in 1966 but it was never commercially marketed.
    It was detected in two urine samples from an athlete (August 2001, March 2002) by Catlin et al.

    (2002). A US Government Investigation revealed that a chemist primarily based in Champaign (IL, USA) synthesized this steroid and it was distributed by an organization referred to as BALCO
    Laboratories (see additionally the part ‘Designer steroids’).

    Estradiol ranges enhance dose-dependently with testosterone administration; nonetheless, the rise is of
    proportionately lesser magnitude with growing doses, indicating saturation of aromatase activity (23).

    As such, it seems reasonable to conclude that an absolute extra of estrogenic action causes the event of gynecomastia throughout AAS use, no matter its relative action compared with androgens.
    Serum creatinine ranges are commonly used to estimate the glomerular filtration rate (eGFR) utilizing
    formulas such because the Continual Kidney Illness Epidemiology Collaboration (CKD-EPI) equation (157).
    The eGFR is a good and independent predictor of all-cause and cardiovascular mortality and kidney
    failure in a broad range of populations (158). However, it must be appreciated that the
    accuracy of the equation is based on the idea that serum creatinine levels accurately mirror the GFR – which
    is uncertain in this specific inhabitants. Creatinine
    is, for essentially the most part, a product of the spontaneous nonenzymatic degradation of creatine (Cr) and creatine phosphate (PCr) (159).

    SARMs (selective androgen receptor modulators) are medicine’s try
    to create superior compounds to anabolic steroids. We discover Proviron has a excessive affinity for binding to
    SHBG, that means it could successfully release more energetic testosterone (4); thus, when it’s stacked with different
    anabolic steroids, their results are enhanced. Anabolic steroids act at
    androgen receptors to influence mobile functioning and gene expression.
    An online questionnaire of greater than 500 male
    fitness center customers by healthcare agency Medichecks has
    revealed that 75% of respondents had considered steroid use.
    Mr Bridgman started weight coaching 10 years in the past and claimed that more than 90% of his friends were taking steroids.
    However regardless of these stark warnings, there are still multiple million, predominantly male, steroid users within the
    UK, based on the UK Anti-Doping agency (UKAD). Anvarol is the authorized steroid
    for Anavar, some of the used cutting steroids in the world.
    Deca Durabolin is a popular injectable bulking steroid, sometimes used within the
    off-season. Uses For Steroids greatest outcomes,
    we find that Anadrole should be combined with other
    legal bulking steroids, corresponding to Decaduro, Testo-Max,
    D-Bal, and/or Trenorol. Dianabol was first created to be significantly extra anabolic than testosterone but with less androgenicity.

    Halotestin is best used as a strength-enhancing steroid, and this will present a large profit in a bulking cycle even when Halotestin itself
    does not contribute a lot or at all to lean muscle growth.
    The increased power and aggression it causes
    can result in optimistic outcomes in the gym if
    you know the way to channel and control the aggression in your exercises.
    Halotestin is a singular testosterone-derived steroid in that
    this could be very powerful with a sky-high anabolic ranking.

  4. One of the primary and most noticeable pink flags might be a deepening of the voice.

    Even a slight voice change indicates that your steroids are beginning to stimulate virilization. With androgen receptors present within the larynx and vocal muscles
    of females as well, the exact mechanism applies if you’re taking excessive
    doses of male androgens. Maintaining the usage of milder PEDs like Anavar at
    low doses and for brief cycle durations is normally sufficient to permit
    you to keep away from clitoral enlargement.
    Winstrol has a wonderful capability to add lean muscle mass, especially
    when you are on a low-calorie food regimen. Steroid stacking is a
    well-liked strategy in bodybuilding the place a number
    of steroids are mixed to boost muscle development,
    power, and efficiency. This technique amplifies results by leveraging the distinctive benefits of every steroid whereas minimizing unwanted effects.

    This also will increase your measurement and power in just couple
    of weeks. Right Here are some finest steroid stacks for lean and clean bulking and
    all are form crazy bulk. These dosages aren’t considered aggressive by bodybuilding requirements.
    However, it’s necessary to conduct routine sphygmomanometry checks
    as a outcome of chance of increased blood stress. Due to its mass-building capabilities,
    testosterone is usually considered a bulking steroid.

    By shopping for the steroids from them instantly,
    you will be sure they’re genuine products with buyer satisfaction and a
    money-back assure. D-Bal Max is intended for people
    over 18 who need to improve muscle mass and athletic efficiency.
    This product produces the most effective advantages when combined with
    a nutritious diet and frequent train. In conclusion, even though steroids are great to get you the physique you’ve always needed, there are too many dangers involved.
    If you’re looking for steroids for mass gains, it’s higher that you just contemplate legal alternate options.

    Some specific steroids are infamous for producing metabolites which are extremely
    detectable via testing or that remain in the physique for an extended time.
    Nandrolone-based steroids like Deca-Durabolin can be detected properly
    after one year, so these steroids will almost always wish to be avoided by anyone who’s at threat
    of being tested. But with the recognition of online sales, few
    individuals are promoting steroids that means today. The
    finest guess is to get involved in the community, including
    steroid customers, most of whom most likely aren’t
    brazenly boasting about utilizing gear.
    IGF and HGH combinations are sometimes mentioned, especially using them on particular
    cycle days, such as after weight coaching. Larger doses of HGH combined with standard doses of IGF
    show promising outcomes, together with improvements in features, whereas it can be
    hit-and-miss to use IGF throughout PCT. Solely by way of experimentation will you know what one of the best protocol is
    for you. You can use most of the ancillary compounds mentioned above in the lengthy
    cycles section. You must contemplate the cycle
    length, which is in a position to change how you use issues like peptides right here.
    Also, you won’t want the long-term HGH use on a 12-week cycle,
    however it helps enhance gains in the course of the cycle (as are others like IGF).

    I began with very little and all the time put
    110% into the fitness center to get to where I
    am now. From purchasing anabolic Steroids Online steroids to SARMs to peptides and ancillary drugs, I’ve carried out it sooner or later in my life, and I can relate.
    There’s a big distinction between oral and injectable steroids so far as their affect
    on detection times goes. Oral steroids are lively virtually instantly and leave the physique rapidly as they move via the liver and are exposed to metabolic processes.
    There can be lots of misunderstanding about how drug testing for
    steroids and performance-enhancing medication works.
    Many assume it’s a simple matter of supplying a urine (or blood) sample, having
    the sample sent to a lab, and being put by way of a machine that
    magically detects every substance.
    How to Design a Supplement Cycle The key’s to use as a lot as wanted, however
    as little as possible. Taking an excessive amount of, especially if you’re new to the fitness
    center, leads to severe unwanted aspect effects, wasted cash,
    and health points. Though this type of fats is invisible (hidden internally around the organs), it might
    possibly trigger a distended look to the waistline.
    This makes Deca very useful for bodybuilders and athletes who expertise joint
    discomfort or stiffness from intense training.
    This comfort is especially interesting to those that are new
    to steroid use or uncomfortable with injections. Although taken orally,
    Dianabol is fast appearing, users can see results within the first few weeks of use.
    Cycling is the method of utilizing a set quantity of steroids for a set
    period of time (usually starting from four to 12 weeks)
    and then following that up with an equally lengthy break from
    steroids. As reported by the customers, Trenbolone also offers
    stimulating impact on the central nervous system to trigger thermogenesis within the body.
    This can end result in adverse side effects similar to anxiousness,
    stress, stressed sleep, elevated sweating and even paranoia in some
    cases.

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